Knowing and Walking that Path

As I am sure I have pointed out many times on here, this is my blog.  It’s sort of my place to let it all hang out and be who I really am.  But I don’t always do that.  I fear a lot of times that it’s going to hurt or offend someone and it has.  It’s hard not to step on toes sometimes.  Words and actions are two things that often times hard to take back.  If you can take them back.

There is a lot going on in the family right now.  Stuff that I don’t care to air because it’s just not right.  So instead, I have decided to concentrate on what’s important.  My journey.  I would like to call myself a Christian.  I don’t always project it.  I don’t stick it out there for the world.  I remember the day I was saved and I will forever remember the church and the preacher and all of the kind wonderful people.  Regardless of how much it has changed over the years, how the people have changed over the years, it’s still a beautiful bright spot in my memory.

And I think it’s made me a little biased in my view of churches and organized religion.  We had a preacher who was loud and I don’t think I can find a negative word to say about him.  He dressed up as the Easter Bunny and preached.  He dressed up as a referee on Super Bowl Sunday and preached.  Granted this was back in the day when women and girls could only wear dresses to church, regardless.

I haven’t really found a church that has lived up to those memories of a preacher and of a church.  I for the longest time disliked organized religion.  Why do I need all these people to reach God?  Why can’t I just go to the man himself?  I will say I’m not a huge fan of it now, but I can understand why it’s there.  I’ve even found a church that comes closer than any others to the happy memories I have.

Now, religion is an interesting thing.  Spirituality is too.  I am quickly learning the two are NOT the same.  I loved that I had Judy and Greg to learn from with their views.  I love that I was encouraged to research and find what feels right for me.  That in the end, we all seem to be reaching for the same thing.  We just have different beliefs on how we get there.

I am am still searching for that balance.  I am keeping my open mind.  I know the path that I need to walk.  But getting there and actually walking that path, that’s the hard part.

 

GCB-A Book Review

I don’t usually give book reviews.  Usually.  However, I feel the need to say a bit on this.  Good Christian B***es.  This book has garnered enough attention with the show GCB.  I had to read it.  The moral is simple.  Sweet Texas girl gets married, moves with her husband to California.  They have two children.  The whole time he’s having affairs left and right.  When the wife finds out, she leaves.  Taking her children back to Texas.  Home is a swanky suburb of Dallas.  All the women are rich (well most of them) and church going women.

Now leave it to the two who aren’t rich to get jealous because you leave your husband and move home and look great.  They try everything they can to drag our main chick down, all through Bible Study.  Needless to say, our leading lady wins in the end, gets the guy and makes some friends.

Now enough of describing what happens.  Let me get to it.  I love reading.  Love it.  But this book, it was only eh.  90% of the book was the plot to destroy and 10% was the resolution.  I think it could have been written better, the plot not as drug out and the resolution should have been longer.  This could have easily been several books in a series.  I would have read it for sure.  I think it would have made the resolution more satisfactory.

I understand where the term GCB comes from and can totally understand why it was coined.

But, let me just say this.  It is NOT the attack on Christianity that some believe.  It’s not making fun of the good christian women out there.  I know it’s hard to believe, but you can look at the cover of the book or read the hype and think it is.  But it is not.  Lessons can be learned from it.  It’s really about those hypocritical christian women who use Church and God as their wage war on people.

For the moral part I give it a 5 out of 5.  For the rest of it, I give it a lowly 2 out of 5.

 

Related articles

• ABC Cancels ‘GCB’; Petition Started To Keep In On (1037litefm.radio.com)
• VICTORY!!!! ABC S**t cans GCB (ferrellgummit.wordpress.com)
• GCB by Kim Gatlin (blogher.com)

I am THAT type of Girl…

I’m that type of girl who loves a good book.  I go through spurts where I don’t want to read, but they don’t last longer than a month or so.  Most of the time, I’m not picky.  Most of the time.  Hand me a historical romance and I will do one of three things.  Gag, throw it back at you or never speak to you again.

I have a passion for books.  And I must say, if there is some buzz about it, 5 out of 10 times, I’ll read it.  I read the Shades of Grey books.  Loved them but not for the reason you think.  Game of Thrones, I admit, I tried, but just am not at the point yet where I can finish one.  I’ve read the Twilights, the Harry Potters, The Hunger Games, the Stephanie Plums, The Sookie Stackhouses, various Nora Roberts and more.

My current obsessions are on my kindle and I have a couple of paper backs.  Prey by Linda Howard.  Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  Untold Story by Monica Ali.  Divided in Death by JD Robb.  The Raylyn Given’s novels by Elmore Leonard.  And one that Mrs. Veronica is going to fuss at me for.

I couldn’t resist it.  After hearing all the type I’ve held out for several months.  The TV show has come and is being cancelled.  I caught a few minutes of the show and I have to say, I don’t know what they were thinking when they made it into a series.  I’m over half way done with the book and it’s eh, I see where the title comes from.

Good Christian B’s.  That’s the book.  It’s centered in a rich community in Dallas where all the women go to church but use it for their own good and not the Lord’s.  Sadly, this is not unheard of.  It’s not implying that they all are bad.  They are not.  There is actually a great lesson in this book so far.  I’ll have an opinion completely formed by the time I finish the book.  Rest assured.

But for now, I’ll leave it at that.  And as I’m sitting here, working on this entry, I realize something, I like being THAT type of girl.  Give me a book and I’m happy.

That Superficial You

Yesterday I was on my soapbox about what’s really inside.  Today is another day.  I want to hit on the outside.  Something that hits a little close to home and needs to be addressed.  All too often when we are unhappy with ourselves we tend to do drastic things to ourselves.

Mine was my hair.  If I was unhappy with something, my poor hair got the brunt of it.  Others diet, change make up, change hair color, have cosmetic surgeries and procedures.  Something.Anything.  And our poor bodies how they are tortured.

Many of us have thought, if I just change this then so and so will like me more.  I’ve been there.  Haven’t you?  It goes right back to my post yesterday about self love and self care.  About being right on the inside.  The cosmetic exterior that we have is just window dressing.  And who doesn’t like to window shop?  But it’s when you get inside and discover it’s not all you thought it would be.  Upsetting, frustrating, sad.

I see this in so many people I know.  So many.  Right now.  And that upsets me.  We can all say we are fine on the outside.  We can tell people that, but we’re not. It’s reflective in so much of what we say and do.

I think we should worry about ourselves and getting ourselves right before we worry about how others see us.  If we make the right changes, do the right things, people will see.  It’s not about making the changes for everyone else.  It’s about making the changes for you.

Set an example.  I can understand using someone else for a role model.  You want your child to grow up to be just like so and so.  Well, how is the child going to learn what’s right if they watch that person but they see you being just the opposite?  You have to be willing to walk that walk too.

Make changes for you.  For you to be the better person. For you to be the healthier person.  For you to be the more God fearing person.  Don’t do it for anyone else.  Get yourself right.

Then and only then will the Superficial you be as beautiful as the inside you.

So, I’m Standing Here On My Soapbox…

I’ve had it.  I am officially flustered over a few things.  I think it’s time to be a little real.  I’ve wanted to tackle the ugly subjects but have avoided it due to not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I guess that the time has come to not worry about stepping on anyone’s toes.  Hence, there is a new disclaimer on the right.  If you haven’t noticed it.  Stop right now, glance to your right and read it.  I’ll wait.

Okay, now then.  Self love.  I’m talking about love for yourself and taking care of yourself.  Not a narcissistic type of self love.  Maybe I should say self care.  To me, if you love yourself, you will take care of yourself.  I once put a post on Facebook saying Self Love is…  I had wanted some really good replies.  I’m not sure if I got any, but I do remember one sticking out.  It was from a relative saying that it was below love of God and love of family.

I’m sure she didn’t understand what I was getting at.  Some sides of my family are a bit on one track and can’t see much of the forest for the trees if you know what I mean.  But I feel like if you can’t take care of yourself and your needs to be a whole person, how can you expect to be able to tend to anything or anyone else?

Where is that line?  I’m in a process of finding myself and where that line is drawn for me.  Finding my place in this world for whatever it is that I’m supposed to do.  I admit it.  I’m one of the biggest works in progress.  I try not to be judgemental or hypocritical.  I really do.  I can’t say that I always am on the straight and narrow.  Yes, I am guilty of rash, sometime harsh judgements.  Yes I can be hypocritical.   When I have the facts, I’ll be the first to admit I’m wrong.  Ok, sometimes.  I do have a stubborn streak.

I feel like in the grand scheme of things, it’s our relationship with God that is our own worry.  Not Kris’, not Veronica’s, not Gina’s, not The Dali Lamas, not POTUS’, no one.  I don’t feel we should make a judgement to take away any rights of anyone.  Shouldn’t we all be able to be on an equal playing field in the end???  We’re all different folks, but we’re just the same.  We have the same wants and needs.  And I would like to think we have the same end destination.  We may not, but what happens on our road should be just that.  Our road.  Not the person next to us.

How can we get so mad about the separation of church and state when they are separate but not?  How can we  have the 10 Commandments taken out of our Courtrooms?  How is it we can have prayer taken out of our schools?  But some of those same people are people who are some of the first ones to step up and say “The Bible says…” and they step in wanting to take away rights because of what the bible says?  Yes it’s our guide book, it’s a lamp on our path, if we choose to follow it or not.  I know we are supposed to bare witness, but stop and think about this.

What kind of witness are we if we are hypocritical and judgemental and yet think going to Church when the door is open washes all that away?

I feel like sometimes we don’t have a handle on ourselves and disaster ensues.  Have you heard of a friend of mine called Karma?  She always comes around when you least expect it.  Good or bad, she’s there.  And more often that not, she’s just.

I just hate that we can be so miserable with ourselves that we have the need to make others around us as miserable.  Because we don’t have that love of self.  We don’t have the desire to take care of ourselves and the valuable gift of life that God has graced us with and the lessons we’re to learn.

Many times, we don’t see what’s our own forest for the trees.  We don’t see the meadow in the middle with the beautiful lavender fields that are swaying in the breeze of the perfect sunny day where the temperature is heavenly.  We don’t see the lake not to far away with the beautiful waterfall and a temperature that is just right.  We don’t see the animals or the flowers that make our forest beautiful.

We just don’t see the bigger picture.  And we don’t take care of ourselves like we should.  We think if we take care of what’s on the outside that the inside will be just as pretty.  Well folks, guess what.  Not matter what you do to yourself on the outside, if you don’t take care of the inside…  You’re just gonna be much like a Monet.  Really pretty far away, but a big ol’ mess when you get close.

You can say you are going to be a better person, a better Christian til you are blue in the face.  But no matter how much Church goin’ you do, how much money you give to the Church, how much of a pretty front you put on…It doesn’t mean a hill of beans if you don’t fix your heart and yourself and do what you know is right.

THAT my friends, should be our journey.  Let God, Karma and Mother Nature take care of the rest.

I am stepping off my soapbox for the day now. Until next time.

Dear You…

There are just a couple of things I want off my chest…So here we go.

Dear You, 

I am deeply disappointed.  ‘Nuff said.  YOU know who you are.

Me.

 

Dear You,

I’m frustrated and annoyed with you.  and yes, I’m still thinking.  Hard.  When I finish, you might better watch out.

Love, Me

 

Dear You,

I am proud of you.  And I miss you.  Keep up the good work my friend, it will all work out.

Love, Love, Me.

 

And Finally…Last and not least.

 

Dear You,

Are there really words?  No.  That’s all I can say.

Love you anyways, Me

To My Moms—

Tags

mothers day

I never knew my real mother that well.  Her and daddy split when I was four and I never saw her again.  I know she tried to see me, but with the bitterness of the split, my dad never had a nice word to say about her.  So that carried over into my life and only did it go away when he passed and I realized that everyone has their own side of the story.  I’ve tried over the years to find her, but with no luck.  She is not meant to be found.  And I’m ok for that.  It has taken a lot for me to learn to forgive.  So Mom-Happy Mother’s Day, even though I know you won’t read this.

Now, MOM- the only mom I’ve really had.  She and Pappy adopted me at 27 and nearly 10 years later it’s hard to remember all the years before I was part of this family.  For that I am grateful.  I may not always act like it.  But I am.  Patches are sometimes rough, but that’s what makes the bonds stronger. Thanks for being mom,  I love you.  Happy Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Days to all the Mom’s out there.

The Difference in a Year…

Over the past several months, you’ve read when I’ve blogged about changes.

Big changes.  Small changes.  Well, right now, today it’s a Monumental Change.

Today I have been divorced a year.   A year.  And what changes it has brought.  And I’m proud of where I am right now.  From the outside, I’m sure no one can figure out where I really am right now, but from the inside, I know.

And I can’t wait for a year from today.  I think maybe this is a turning point.  A reference point for me going forward.  HMMM, I think you should stick around, it’s only going to get better.

Progress..is Mean..

Well sometimes it is.  I’ve made a little progress on my 2012 list, but I’ve got to get going on it.  That’s not the mean part I am talking about though.

In my quest to get healthier, that’s where the problem lies.  I’ve been having a hard time sleeping a lot.  And that’s hard.  It makes you not want to do all sorts of things.  But there is a light in that tunnel now.  I took a fork that is starting to light up.  I’m starting to work with Caren and we’re starting a 6 month program where we are working on my eating habits and everything else.

We talked last night, to get the first month started and my binder and food journal will be here today.  I’m excited.  I learned from our call last night and today I’m trying to put it to good use.

I mediated last night at Caren’s suggestion for 10 minutes before bed and what a difference it made.  I slept through the night, not waking up once!!!  This is a first in I don’t know when.  I started my day out a little different, a cup of hot water and some lemon-again at Caren’s suggestion.  Breakfast was my usual, but I just wasn’t happy with it.  I need a good breakfast.  Lunch I’m excited for, I have a massive salad with 3 oz of chicken.  I even brought snacks of persian cucumbers and hummus.  And a cheese stick.  LOL  I have my water handy and brought my sprite zero.

I can’t wait to really get into the program and get to work on my eating habits, my self care and everything else.  But in the mean time, you have to look at where you are.  And while that is not always pretty, it can be down right mean.  But you have to be realistic about where you are and what you need to do to get to where you want to be.

 

40 Thing Challenge Revisited

Okay- last time, I got sick and well, I did horrible!  So I’m bringing it back…

Let’s try the 30 day 40 thing challenge again!  Who’s with me?????????????????????