Shades of Imperfection

“Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Marilyn Monroe

I adore that quote.  It’s so true.  So with everything going on, this morning in the shower I started thinking.  I, like everyone else have imperfections.

• I’m quiet in a room of people I don’t know.  I’m just shy like that.  I have to know you to be able to warm up to you.
• I goof off sometimes at work, but don’t we all?
• There are mornings when I don’t make my bed.  *shhhh don’t tell Pappy*
• Yes I can be lazy at times and it seems to be a bit more lately about wanting to stay in bed and catch up on missing sleep than get up and go to the gym.  Or I can just put it off until the evening…
• Yes, I have had times lately where I have had a craving for some sort of meat and ate it.  Yet I felt terrible afterwards.
• I’m vain enough to want to tan, have nails because it makes me feel pretty.
• I’m not always the best daughter in the world, despite my best efforts.
• I’m not always the best friend in the world, despite my best efforts.
• My faith is a constant journey for me as is my spirituality.

I can go on for a while longer.  But then again, I can stop right there.  Because all of these imperfections make me who I am.  And while I struggle with all that I have, I also have to make myself stop.  Take a deep breath and realize that all of those shades make up me.  And I have some pretty amazing people in my life who accept me imperfections and all.

And that makes me happy.  So like I said yesterday, my goal is to stop with all the crap.  If people can love me for who I am, why can’t I do the same? Isn’t everything just another Shade of Imperfection that we are working on?

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To My Fellow Humans….

Let me just remind you.  The definition of bigotry is as follows:

“Stubborn & complete intolerance of any creed or belief or opinion that differs from one’s own”

Now read that again.  I’ve been on my soapbox about this before.  But it’s just something that get’s under my skin.  We are all God’s creatures great and small.  All of us.  And while we have so many factions that call each other wrong it’s getting a little over the top.  We can name call and boycott all day.  At the end of the day, all it’s going to do is piss off the other side more.  And things will escalate.  While we may not agree with other on one subject I don’t think what we are doing to each other right right.

It hurts to see everything going on today in this nation and think we’re supposed to be a free country.  With Justice and Liberty for all.  Are we really living by God’s law?  Didn’t he hand down a commandment “Love Thy Neighbor” ?  He didn’t take it back did he?  Did I miss that?  Didn’t he say Judge not Lest you be Judged?

If you don’t agree with someone’s views or beliefs, can’t you do it peacefully?  Don’t we realize we are creating more hate?  We’re supposed to be good and love everyone and yet we are doing the opposite.  We choose to judge instead of trying to love and leaving the rest like we are meant to, to God.

And yet we wonder why people are the way they are?  I think we need to take a long look at ourselves and what we are doing.  How we are treating people.  I know it won’t happen and one pebble won’t make a ripple, but frankly folks, I’m sick of this.  So let me opt out of all that crap now.

And let me say this I don’t care what they look like, who they love, what their religious views are or how rich or poor they are my friends are my family just as much as my blood and adopted relatives are.  They are all important to me.  If you can’t deal with that, tough.  You’re gonna miss out on something amazing.  Because I’m just that awesome and so is my family.

To My Moms—

Tags

mothers day

I never knew my real mother that well.  Her and daddy split when I was four and I never saw her again.  I know she tried to see me, but with the bitterness of the split, my dad never had a nice word to say about her.  So that carried over into my life and only did it go away when he passed and I realized that everyone has their own side of the story.  I’ve tried over the years to find her, but with no luck.  She is not meant to be found.  And I’m ok for that.  It has taken a lot for me to learn to forgive.  So Mom-Happy Mother’s Day, even though I know you won’t read this.

Now, MOM- the only mom I’ve really had.  She and Pappy adopted me at 27 and nearly 10 years later it’s hard to remember all the years before I was part of this family.  For that I am grateful.  I may not always act like it.  But I am.  Patches are sometimes rough, but that’s what makes the bonds stronger. Thanks for being mom,  I love you.  Happy Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Days to all the Mom’s out there.

Dear You,

I have to say Thanks Again to Sarah for this idea in the beginnings of her blog…  With the new year approaching, I think I’m ready for this one..

Dear You,  I am done.  Officially end. of. story.  Consider yourself removed from my inner circle.  And yes, you know why.

Dear You x 20–I miss you ALL.  I hope you know it and yes I will make it a point to see you all sometime this year.

Dear You x 2- I miss our Yardhouse excursions….The times were priceless.  You are priceless.  I miss you especially.

Dear You- I am not lost.  2 very important people know exactly where I am.  Myself and God. 

Dear You- I am learning and adjusting every single day.  It’s hard.  Very hard.  I just wish you could do the same.

Dear You- Yes I know you are doing it again.  A little birdie told me.  You know the birdie you married.  So think about that.  You are digging a hole that I don’t wish to see you bury yourself in.  Please, pull your head out of your a@@ and think about your family and what you stand to lose.  Just sayin’.

I love you all for different reasons.  Even the screw ups. A couple of you I just want to love from a far.

 

Love, Me

Reflections on the Day

Tags

Christmas and holiday season, Opinions, Religion and Spirituality

Here we are on Christmas Morning.  As I’ve gone through the month, trying to prepare for the day and to an extent wish it was over and done with, I had to sit down.  To reflect, to think, about this particular holiday.

I haven’t really been in the Christmas mood this year.  I’ll admit that.  It seemed like a hastle.  Even though it’s not.  Mom said at one point she sort of felt bad I wasn’t getting anything this year from them, mostly that I didn’t have anyone to get me anything.

Well, I’ve gotten pictures from friends that I have missed.  The MIL is sending a little gift, G is sending a little gift, I got 2 mugs at work, a Christmas bonus, and a breadmaker.  And then I have to stop and think that I have something else.

I am surrounded by friends and family, near and far.  That is enough.  Christmas isn’t about presents, so many times, I feel like we forget the whole reason for this holiday.  I feel it’s gotten way too commercialized.  Christmas trees out on July, A christmas music dedicated radio station that plays nothing but Christas music from November 1st until the day after Christmas.  It’s all to much.

I have avoided most holiday stuff this year for the fact that I feel as if it’s being stuffed in my face every turn around.  I don’t like that.  I am the type who if something is forced on me I will rebel.  That’s just me.  And that’s sort of what I’ve done this year with the holiday.

I am going to use the rest of the year, to regroup.  To stop for a minute and figure out a plan.  Next year, I will be ready.

So for now, as the bread is baking, I am going to sit down with a cup of Earl Grey and start working on plan.  Because I can.

 

My Place

I am continually trying to figure out exactly what my place is.  Most of my blood family is passed on- my father included.  Those still around are very distant and I don’t see/speak to much.  And that is okay.

I felt like I had a place in my “adopted” family for the longest.  Yet every since the ex was in the picture I felt like that wasn’t really the case.  I feel more a part of the family with my ex in laws than I do with my family.

More so since the whole “Austin” episode.  For lack of a better word, I’m feeling like the red headed step child.  Yet any attempt that I would try to make of it, would be misconstrued as me being very insecure and unloving of myself or just being selfish.

So I am struggling to try to figure out how to pull back from them and yet still stay in the family.  It’s a fine line that I feel I am on.  I love these people yet, I just don’t feel like I’m part.  I feel like I am only included if I have to be.

Maybe it is me being whiny and selfish.  I don’t know.  I have some stuff to sort out that is for sure.  Changes to make.  I just wish right now I was able to sit down with the FIL and talk to him.  Days like this I miss the FIL and MIL because I could sit down and talk to them and they look at it objectively and tell you how it is.

Maybe this weekend I’ll make a phone call.

Today is my Mil’s b’day.  I say MIL because I didn’t divorce her.  It makes me wish I was in Cali.  Flo defended yesterday and is officially a doctor!  I so wish I could have been there to see her, I bet she did awesome.  I still have my moments were I miss Cali so bad but it’s getting better.

So Happy Birthday Jud!  And Congrats Florrie!!!!

Dear You,

Image by Jocelyn | McAuliflower via Flickr

• Dear You, yes I know you like to sit outside on the phone and complain how your boyfriend does nothing for you and yet he supports you and lets you go to school while he works for our military.  Yes I know you like to argue with him and cause fights, those of us in the complex just wish you would do it in the privacy of your own apartment.  We don’t need to hear your business.
• Dear You and You,  Thank you for toning down the stomping.  I’m guessing the complaints of the people around you must have made you stop.  Either that or management finally stepped in, either way, it’s really appreciated.  Now please stop having loud sex in the shower where the 4 surround apartments can hear you.  Please.
• Dear You,  thank you for retiring in a couple of months and moving out.  This is enabling me to move to your apartment and sorority row will be established by the end of the year.  I can’t WAIT.  a Side of nothing but females who get a long.  Life will be great.
• Dear You, we only met a handful of times, but you were still like family.  The passing of your brother just a short week ago was hard on the family and very sad to see them endure.  Now, I’m told you are not far behind.  I’m very sad.  I’ve said a prayer and sent all the good energy I can.  You always have been and always will be loved, please know that where ever you are.
• Dear You, I MISS YOU.  Like MAD.  You tickled me pink when you friended me on facebook.  Just hearing what’s going on with you made my day.  You will always be my bubba.  I refuse to call anyone else that from now on.  I don’t care if you are 16 or not.  LOL
• Dear You- Do you KNOW how many brownie points you scored tonight?  I’m just sayin’
• Dear You- I’m so glad you liked the care package.  I was tickled when you let me know how much.
• Dear You- I’m sorry you are going to have such a belated birthday package.  But I think it will be worth it. 
• Dear You- They are on the way, I sent them out Friday.  I hope you get them soon.  It should complete your set.  It gives me joy to know you have enjoyed them as much as I did.  Well, except for the last two LOL.
• Dear You and You and You- you three ladies rock.  You are such lovely colors in my world and I am blessed to know you as well as most of the other peeps in these letters.

Love,

Me

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The Download of a Crazy Day

Tags

Arts, craft, Hobby, Knitting, Knitting and Crochet, Quilt

Image via Wikipedia

Yesterday was crazy.  Lots going on..I don’t really want to post on it.  But needless to say my night plans didn’t exactly happen the way that I wanted them to.  But it’s okay.

I have found that when I go to bed at night, i can lay there for just a few minutes and sort of download my day in a mediatative way.  I feel better and I seem to sleep better.  But it also made me realize something else.

I really want a hobby.  I thought about knitting.  Marcy has tried to teach me and Eric even showed me his stuff that he works on.  Now these are two amazing knitters.  Eric blows my mind that he’s a guy and loves it.  It relaxes him he says.

I know I have hobbies: book reading, writing, working on little projects here and there, but nothing substantial.  And then as I was laying in bed, I thought of my grandmother.  (my real dad’s mother-MawMaw)

I remember she tried to get me to fully learn to quilt and even started me out on this one pattern.  Now I no longer have the squares, but I seem to have this inner drive to want to learn a lot of the things that she did and daddy did that I thought all too many times, I’ll learn when I get older.

Canning, quilting, jelly making..You know the good things.  I’m already working on the jelly making.  I want to learn the canning and I’m seriously going to start taking up quilting as that hobby that I want to do.  I’m going to start simple, but let’s see how far it goes…

Are you with me!?

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The Love of Gaming

Tags

Board game, Games, Word game

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I love games!  Boggle, phase 10, scrabble, Words with Friends, Hanging with Friends, Zombie Dice, D & D, Scrabble Slam, Munchkin, Pandemic, CheekyMonkey..I could go on.

While I have people who will play Boggle, Phase 10, scrabble, Words and Hanging with Friends, I don’t have anyone who will play Zombie Dice, D & D, Munchkin, or Pandemic with me.

I really miss my Katy, Jer and Ryan right now.  It’s those times that allowed us to bond as a family and have fun.  I still have both Barbie dice sets and one is in a vase reminding me they are still there.

Reminding me of the fun times had with them and how they are itching to be played with again.

I do miss some of those games.  More importantly, I miss those family members.